The new normal
So we are into a new normal. A normal where things just seem to be odd when it comes to custody decision making.
For 3 years, nearly 4 ExH has fought me on every single decision for my DD2. From whether she should continue to be vaccinated to whether she should have dental cleanings done he has fought me. If I wanted her to receive her scheduled vaccinations like she has since the day she was born, he would refuse to allow it. If I wanted her to go to a specific dentist, he’d schedule an appointment with a different one. If I wanted her to be tested for ADHD he would tell the school that he refused to consent and would prefer her to wait nearly a year for an appointment with an external psychologist to do it. When she finally got tested she had ADHD. He had to have her tested 3 additional times for some unknown reason. He certainly refused to discuss it with me, instead having her tested against my express wishes at least once. I felt she didn’t need to be tested yet again. Every single test had the findings that she had ADHD. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. And in every case the professionals recommended that she be medicated. What did my ExH do? He refused to consent to medication. This went on for 3 years.
Finally things happened that convinced the judge that he was not going to work with me to make sure my daughter had the care that she needed. The things that happened made the judge really understand that he is not making decisions in the best interest of my daughter. Those things also showed the judge that he lacked any insight into what was best for her (the judge wrote that in the orders).
Due to these factors, the judge granted me final say in decision making. Since then? Any decisions I’ve made? Nothing. Not a word from him. His standard response is “Ok”. He now doesn’t show up at appointments. He doesn’t give me any input at all. It’s back to him being hands off. From the very beginning he was adamant that the kids were my responsibility. He refused on more than one occasion during the marriage to take DD2 to her well child checks, to watch her so I could have a break, to take an active roll in her care, unless of course someone else was there. Then he was all about how he was the greatest father ever.
What gets me is that given that suddenly all of his objections have disappeared. All of his concerns are suddenly gone after no conversation with me or anyone to my knowledge and he’s suddenly not saying anything. This just illustrates that his entire objection was because he had to do something that was opposite to what I wanted.
He did that with multiple other things. For 44 months he has kept my personal things and my DD1 personal things. He’s known that I wanted them. I’ve sent countless requests through the attorney’s and gotten nothing in return. He told the court that he had it and I just needed to arrange to get it. Yet then he refuses to allow me to come get it. My DD2 tells me they got rid of everything with no communication saying I should come get them.
So after the decree and decision making. It’s readily apparent that ExH is just opposing things to oppose things. He’s not concerned about my daughter’s well being. He is just doing whatever he can to ensure I get nothing. I truly believe that everything he has done has been done because he has to punish me. After all I dared to leave. I dared to tell the world a different narrative than his preferred one and I dared to have evidence to show that contradicted his version of events. I didn’t stay silent. I spoke in my voice. I told my truth. It is one that he would prefer to remain unspoken.
After all abuse thrives in silence and in the shadows. He has done his best to silence me and my story. It remains to be seen just to what lengths he’ll go to keep my narrative unspoken.
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